Happy Hump Day!! - Wednesday - November 19,2008 -

ON THIS DAY

In 1620, the Pilgrims landed at Cape Cod... just in time for the football game.

On this date in 1863, President Lincoln delivered his famous Gettysburg Address. Most of the people in attendance missed the message of his speech; they were all so busy trying to figure exactly how much "four score and seven years ago" actually was.

In 1895, the pencil was invented. Write on, write on, write on... Finally, everyone knew the thickness of a pencil-thin mustache.


TODAY IS

Jodie Foster turns 46 today. As a practical joke, I've always wanted to sneak up behind her with a bunch of lambs and have them scream. You know, Foster was originally chosen to be Princess Leia in "Star Wars," but her Disney contract prevented her. Somehow I don't see her as the princess type. Prince yes, princess, no.

Meg Ryan is a year older and turns 47 today. I'll still have what she's having.


THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW

· A perfume company is suing Prince, because they claim he was supposed to endorse a new scent to go along with his album, "3121."

· Simon Cowell says he was dumped by text message.

· According to a Yahoo! Personals and TheKnot.com 70% of women say they'll live with their guy before marriage.

· Michael Jackson says he's too sick to travel to London to testify in a suit that claims he owes an Arab sheik $7 million. Does Jackson owe everyone cash? Hey Mike! We're suing you. too!

· Christopher Lloyd says he won't be rebuilding his $11 million home that burned up last week in the California fires. He'll take the insurance money and run.

· No word from NBC if the show "Lipstick Jungle" is going to stick around. Fans are sending the network tubes of lipstick to try and save it.

· Since UPS began mapping routes to maximize right and minimize left turns, it has cut the time trucks spend idling and saved more than 3.3 million gallons of gas.

· It pays to write books. Sarah Silverman has signed a $2.5 million book deal. Tina Fey is said to have been offered $6 million and First Lady Laura Bush is rumored to having $7 million waved in front of her to write things down.

· Sean "Diddy" Combs will appear on "CSI Miami" as a prosecutor later this winter.

· A woman exploring Arkansas' Crater of Diamonds State Park came across a 2.09-carat flawless diamond while prospecting there.

· Max Motors in Butler, Missouri, offered car buyers a choice of incentives: $250 in gas money or a gift certificate for a handgun. 80% of buyers took the handgun gift certificate.

· Kiefer Sutherland says his time in prison this year for drunk driving was how he quit smoking. Seems like the tough way to do it, but whatever works.

· A contestant in the latest round of "Survivor," Ace Gordon, was arrested early Sunday morning following a drunken booze fest in a bar in Naples, Florida.


Nearly half of the men Men's Health surveyed said they've fallen asleep at the wheel. And that number may be even higher in the most sleep deprived cities. While there are lost of ways to try to stay awake en route, Swedish researchers found that most of us rely on these strategies. The most effective solution, however, is to simply take a nap:

· Take a short walk. Yes, it works. In a U.S. Army study, 10 minutes of exercise helped sleep deprived pilots stay awake for up to 30 minutes.
· Open the window. No, it does not work. When drivers in a British study were blasted with cool air, they didn't report feeling any more alert.
· Drink coffee. Yes, it works. British researchers found that drowsy drivers who consumed 200 milligrams of caffeine felt less sleepy.
· Take a passenger. No, it does not work. In a Miami University of Ohio study, chatty drivers took 16 percent longer to hit the breaks when stopping.
· Turn on the radio. No, it does not work. A study published in the journal Sleep found that cruisin' to tunes failed to energize sleepy drivers.


WEIRD NEWS

How To Get a Confession: 101 - Here's one way to get a confession. Police in New Sewickley Township, Pennsylvania, say John Black bound his neighbor, Henry Schmitt Jr., with duct tape, doused him with gasoline and then threatened to set him on fire unless Schmitt confessed to burglarizing his house. The police have no evidence Schmitt burglarized Black. He lives in a camper on Black's property. But they did arrest Mr. Black and charged him with burglary, aggravated assault, unlawful restraint and other related crimes. (Beaver County Times)

Dieting For America! - Our hats are off to 23-year-old Ulysses Milana of Lewiston, Maine, who just joined the Marines. But it was no easy task. When Milana first showed up at the recruiter's office 11 months ago, he weighed in at a whopping 330 pounds! Recruiters told him to forget it unless he lost some serious weight. So he did -- 140 pounds worth! Milana said it wasn't easy but he did it through exercise, healthier eating habits and forgoing an occasional beer after work. He even refused a beer at his going-away party Saturday night. He left Monday for boot camp at Paris Island, South Carolina and said he always wanted to follow in his family's footsteps by serving his country. You go Ulysses! You're our American hero of the day! And with a name like Ulysses, how can the rank of general not be in your future?! (Sun-Journal)

It's All Martha Stewart's Fault! - In Des Moines, Iowa, Patrick Albanese is a hand model and a magician. However he is blaming Martha Stewart -- more specifically a Martha Stewart-brand lounge chair-- for causing the loss of his livelihood. Apparently the chair snipped off the tip of his right index finger when the front tubular legs collapsed, crushing his finger between one of the chair legs and a tubular bar on the base of the chair. His lawsuit claims that Kmart and Martha Stewart Living were negligent in failing to issue a warning that the chair was defective, for failing to inspect the chair and in improperly designing the chair. As a result, Patrick is seeking compensation for past and future medical expenses, physical and mental pain and suffering, permanent partial disfigurement and loss of earning capacity. Representatives for Kmart and Martha Stewart Living declined to comment. (myway.com)

Road Rage With An Axe! - In Lincoln, Nebraska, a 51-year-old man has been sentenced to 37 days in jail after he threw an axe at another motorist, wounding him! The official charge was third-degree assault and criminal mischief and the defendant pleaded no contest. Police said two vehicles were traveling near an intersection and one cut in front of the other, prompting both vehicles to stop. That's when the defendant allegedly threw a 3-foot axe through the other driver's passenger window, striking him in the ribs with the blunt end. So let me get this straight -- you throw an axe at a guy and hit him and all you get is 37 days??? (Lincoln Journal Star)

How Libelous Thou Art! - In Manchester, England, award-winning designer Thomas Heatherwick has agreed to pay back over $2 million bucks the city paid him for a giant sculpture that proved a serious liability. The mammoth 184-foot tall sculpture was designed to look like an exploding firework and installed next to the City of Manchester Stadium. Unfortunately, nine of its 180 steel spikes had to be removed after one fell off and nearly hit admirers. Entitled "The B of the Bang," the sculpture was originally praised for its ambitious and ground-breaking design. Now-- not so much. (BBC News)

10-Year-Old Self Diagnoses Her Autism! - In Wakefield, England, 10-year-old Rosie King diagnosed herself with Asperger's Syndrome while reading a children's book on autism. Her 6-year-old brother, Lenny, was diagnosed as being autistic at age two. She was reading a book called "The Little Rain Man" so she could understand his condition. But when she got to the section on Asperger's, Rosie blurted out, "I think this might be me." Her mother, Sharon King said, "We couldn't believe it." Doctors later diagnosed Rosie as indeed suffering from Asperger's after a year-long process. But Rosie's got a great attitude saying, "I like having Asperger's, it makes me different." (Daily Mail)

Grab the Wheel -- I'm Busy Texting! - In Rietbrock, Wisconsin, two teenagers from the same car both got a DUI after crashing the car. So how could both be driving? That's easy -- apparently the 16-year-old driver was reportedly sending a text message while her 17-year-old passenger operated the steering wheel. Amazingly this wasn't a very good plan and they lost control of the Pontiac Grand Am they were driving and rolled it. The 17-year-old girl suffered a shoulder injury but the 16-year-old escaped injury somehow. Along with being above the legal limit for blood alcohol, the kids also have to deal with being well below the legal drinking age of 21. (Wausau Daily Herald)


TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR BANK IS IN TROUBLE

1. The teller steals your pen
2. Bank president walks up and asks to borrow money
3. Teller takes your deposit and runs out door
4. Toll gate at drive-through window
5. Bank machines replaced with slot machines

And of course –

TOP FIVE WAYS YOU CAN TELL IT'S ALMOST THANKSGIVING

1. Lobby of life insurance agents packed with turkeys
2. Oil companies lowering gas prices to show how thankful they are for obscene profits
3. Obsessive neighbor has put up his Thanksgiving lights
4. Newspaper carriers working out, so they can lift Thanksgiving Day paper
5. Wife starts referring to you as "her Butterball with the pop up timer"


HUNTER'S HUMOR by Tim Hunter

The U.S. Post Office is losing money and looking at some serious cutbacks. For example, when you mail a letter... they plan to start holding on to it for only four days instead of five.

A new study says that unhappy people tend to watch more TV and I'd just like to thank your unrewarding life for making it possible for you to be here.

The U.S. Post Office is losing money and looking at some serious cutbacks. For example, when you mail a letter... they plan to start holding on to it for only four days instead of five.

A new study says that unhappy people tend to watch more TV and I'd just like to thank your unrewarding life for making it possible for you to be here.

Tuesday, an astronaut working on the International Space Station lost her bag of tools that drifted off into space. The good news, they were Craftsman tools, so they have a lifetime guarantee. The problem is, now she's gotta find a Sears.

If only she could call NASAAA.


HIS & HER SLEEP HABITS
According to author Allan Pease, here are a few truths...

· Men like to be closer to the door. In seven out of 10 relationships, the male opts for this spot. And it's not so he has a clearer path to the fridge; rather, "it's to protect his loved one from intruders," says Pease. "In ancient cultures, the male always guarded the cave opening." What if women always sleep near the entry? Then they are the dominant ones in the relationship, emotionally or mentally, to their man.

· Switching positions can be harmful to your sleep. Ever stayed at a hotel with a comfy bed, yet both of you had a lousy night's rest -- and you don't know why? You probably switched positions without realizing it. Maybe you still slept on the right side and he slept on the left, like at home, but suddenly you were near the door.

· A woman scoots to her man's space when he's out of town. "It's because you are subconsciously drawn to his scent, which is still on his pillow," explains Pease.

· Guys spread out when you're away. "This is a dominant position: Male monkeys do this," says Pease.


Now, on to the good stuff – ROCK NEWS -


NIKKI SIXX SAYS 'CHINESE DEMOCRACY' IS 'NOT A GUNS N' ROSES RECORD'..The new Guns N' Roses album, Chinese Democracy, was leaked online in its entirety on Tuesday (November 18th), finally giving anyone with access to BitTorrent and RapidShare sites a chance to hear the record that has been 13 years in the making. The disc comes out legally on Sunday (November 23rd) exclusively through Best Buy. One person who's curious to hear it is Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx, although he told us he has some reservations: "I don't know if I believe it's a Guns N' Roses record, because it's just Axl. I think it's a phenomenal solo record, I'm sure, but as far as being a Guns N' Roses record, you know, I'd love to hear Guns N' Roses together because we believed in that band. You know, Axl's the type of artist who will make sure it's a great record, but it's not a Guns N' Roses record, it's an Axl Rose record. We need to be careful with the brand name."

Guns N' Roses once opened for Motley Crue back in the late Eighties.

Singer Axl Rose is the sole remaining original member of the classic Guns N' Roses lineup. A revolving cast of musicians have performed on Chinese Democracy.

Although vocalist Vince Neil and drummer Tommy Lee have both left Motley Crue at various points, there have always been at least three original members in the group.


SCOTT WEILAND HINTS AT RETIRING FROM THE ROAD ..Stone Temple Pilots frontman Scott Weiland spoke emotionally in a video interview with L.A. Weekly on Tuesday (November 18th) about his desire to spend more time at home with his young children instead of on the road. Weiland said, "It pains me when I am gone for a month, even, and I come back and there's differences -- big positive amazing differences, beautiful differences -- that I haven't been a part of because I've been working...to make the money, out there on the road."

Weiland told us something similar as he neared the end of his recent six-month reunion tour with the Pilots: "I kind of want to stop that phase of my life, being on the road nonstop. It's always tempting to make a lot of money, but there just comes a certain point where spending more time with your kids and also creating the kind of music you want to create outweighs those other things."

Weiland issues his second solo album, Happy in Galoshes, on November 25th. It follows up 1998's 12 Bar Blues.

The singer said that much of the album was inspired by his personal turmoil during the last year. His brother died in 2007, his mother recently battled cancer, he split with wife Mary Forsberg and he was dismissed by his previous group, Velvet Revolver.

Weiland will perform on the November 21st edition of NBC's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and the November 26th episode of ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live. He'll also play some scattered radio festivals in December before kicking off a U.S. tour in January.


U2 HAS 'REINVENTED' ROCK ON NEW ALBUM, SAYS PRODUCER…U2 co-producer Daniel Lanois told the Boston Herald on Tuesday (November 18th) that the Irish band has "reinvented" rock music on their new album, which is due out sometime in the spring of 2009. Lanois called the group's new songs "wildly innovative," adding, "I would never have thought things would have gone this way. I believe, well, rock 'n' roll has been reinvented one more time." Lanois also said that U2 has survived as long as they have because "they want things to be new and fresh, and they never get stuck on how the band should sound. They're very smart people."

Lanois is co-producing the record with Brian Eno.

In other news, a film called It Might Get Loud, featuring U2 guitarist The Edge, Led Zeppelin axeman Jimmy Page and White Stripes guitarist Jack White has been picked up for distribution by Sony Classic Pictures. According to the Hollywood Reporter, a summer 2009 release is planned for the documentary, which looks at the history of the guitar through the eyes of the three musicians profiled.


VINTAGE 1967 DOORS GIG IN SAN FRANCISCO FINALLY RELEASED ON CD…Out now on CD is the two-disc set The Doors: Live At The Matrix, San Francisco, March 10, 1967. The collection features the band two months after the release of their self-titled debut and just on the cusp of international stardom.

The eight-track disc includes "Back Door Man," "Light My Fire," "When The Music's Over," "Alabama Song," "Break On Through," "Fever," "People Are Strange," and "The End."

On December 8th, in commemoration of what would have been Jim Morrison's 65th birthday, Doors co-founders Ray Manzarek and Robby Krieger will appear on a live broadcast on Los Angeles radio station KLOS with DJ Jim Ladd from Morrison's favorite West Hollywood watering hole, Barney's Beanery.


DELUXE JIMI HENDRIX 'ELECTRIC LADYLAND' CD/DVD SET COMING NEXT MONTH..Coming on December 9th will be the Jimi Hendrix DVD At Last... The Beginning: The Making Of Electric Ladyland and the companion CD Electric Ladyland Collector's Edition, which is sold separately and packaged with a DVD. The set commemorates Hendrix's third and final album with the Experience -- the late Noel Redding and recently deceased Mitch Mitchell -- and was the last studio set released during his lifetime.

The Making Of Electric Ladyland, was originally broadcast on VH1 as part of the Classic Albums series, but the new edition includes about 40 additional minutes featuring friends and musicians who contributed to the legendary album's sessions. Among those featured in the documentary are Redding, Mitchell, former Animals bassist and Hendrix manager Chas Chandler, Band Of Gypsies drummer Buddy Miles, Jefferson Airplane's Jack Casady, and Traffic's Steve Winwood and Dave Mason as well as others who participated in the Electric Ladyland sessions that took place at London's Olympic studios and New York City's Record Plant.

One of the highlights on The Making Of Electric Ladyland features Hendrix engineer Eddie Kramer, who breaks down Hendrix's work track by track and discusses his recording and production techniques in depth.

Kramer explained what it was like manning the boards for Hendrix during the Electric Ladyland sessions: "In the heat of battle, when you're in the studio and you're running tape and you know we're up to take 20 -- by the time we finish, take 27 -- who knew that take 21 or take 22 was gonna be a gem that you'd find 30 years later as being just absolutely phenomenal as an illustration of how Jimi was able to bring the band up to a certain level and have expectations from them beyond what a normal human being would want, you know?"

Electric Ladyland was released on October 16th, 1968 as a double album, and featured such Hendrix classics as "Crosstown Traffic," "Have You Ever Been (To Electric Ladyland)," his definitive cover of Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower," "Burning of the Midnight Lamp," "Voodoo Chile (Slight Return)," among others. The album hit Number One on the Billboard album charts a month after its release and went on to hold the top spot for two weeks.


THE WHO'S SECOND TO LAST GIG WITH KEITH MOON OUT ON DVD …Out now on Blu-ray DVD is The Who: Kilburn 1977. The collection features the band's infamous Kilburn State Gaumont gig from December 15th, 1977 -- which was drummer Keith Moon's second-to-last performance with the band prior to his death the following year.

The setlist for the Kilburn disc is: "I Can't Explain," "Substitute," "Baba O'Riley," "My Wife," "Behind Blue Eyes," "Dreaming From The Waist," "Pinball Wizard," "I'm Free," "Tommy's Holiday Camp," "Summertime Blues," "Shakin' All Over," "My Generation," "Join Together," the live premiere of "Who Are You," and "Won't Get Fooled Again."

Roger Daltrey, who as a rule refuses to watch any footage of himself, hasn't seen the new disc, but remembers the Kilburn show being an interesting one: "Yeah, the Kilburn show -- I don't really know much about that. Everybody tells me it's very good, I don't know. I remember the show, It was one of the last shows we ever played with Keith Moon. We did it for The Kids Are Alright film that we were making at the time. I just remember that it was kind of a weird day because we did a show in the afternoon in London, which is not the best time of day to be on form -- especially for Keith Moon. And I always thought it was quite a good show. I just remember that Pete (Townshend) at the time wasn't very happy with it, but I never quite figured why. But anyway -- buy the DVD and find out. I'll have to buy it too and find out."

The Who's Kilburn concert, which has been available on bootleg for years, was a private fan club show filmed exclusively for The Kids Are Alright. Except for the audio from John Entwistle's "My Wife" and the recent snippet of the live premiere of "Who Are You" shown in Amazing Journey, the show has remained unreleased due to Pete Townshend and Entwistle being admittedly drunk, Moon appearing in horrible physical shape, and the band being generally underehearsed in what was their first concert in 14 months.

The Kids Are Alright director Jeff Stein was also so disappointed with the Kilburn footage that he urged the band to recreate the concert again on May 25th, 1978 at Shepperton Film Studios so that he could get definitive versions of the band's "Baba O'Riley" and "Won't Get Fooled Again" on film for the documentary. That show turned out to be Moon's last.

As a bonus, the Who's triumphant London Coliseum concert from December 14th, 1969 is included as a second disc in the set. The Who were at the height of their performing career at the time and perform Tommy in its entirety, including other standout tracks such as their mini-opera "A Quick One While He's Away" among others.

The Who wrap up their tour of Japan tonight (November 19th) at Tokyo's Budokan Hall.


That’s it for now, as always, if you can’t be good, be good at it and don’t get caught!!

Jonathan