Monday - June 29, 2009 -

Welcome to the Blog -

Whether we know it or not, each of us lives a life governed by an internalized code of conduct. Some call it morality, others call it religion. I call it “The Bro Code”. It’s my hope that, with a better understanding of the Code, Bros the world over can put aside their differences and strengthen the bonds of brotherhood. It is then, and only then, that we might work together as one to accomplish perhaps the most important challenge society faces – getting laid.

- Barney Stinson – The Bro Code –

THE BRO CODE – Article # 24

“Men do not lie about their age.”


ON THIS DAY

On this date way back in the year 48 BC that Caesar defeated Pompey at Pharsalus... which, we believe, was an early form of backgammon.

Patrick Henry became the Governor of Virginia in 1776. Of course, he's famous for the phrase: "Give me liberty or give me death!" That was also the day the British coined the phrase, "No problem!"

On this date in 1767, the British parliament imposed a tax on all glass, lead, paint, paper and tea being shipped to America. As you know, all the rest was fine... but the tea was just one tax too many.

In 1940, the first issue of "Batman" was published. Only hours later, the joke "Oh, he was in the batroom" was told for the first time.

On this date in 1953, congress passed the Highway Act... which resulted in the construction of dozens of freeways, allowing millions of people to drive slower than ever before.

In 1956, Charles Dumas became the first person to high jump over 7 feet. When asked how he did it, Charles replied, "Because of the Rottweiler on the other side of that 7-foot fence!"



TODAY IS

Evelyn "Champagne" King turns 49 today. Back in the disco era, she was hot. But since that time -- as far as her career goes -- Champagne has gone flat.

Carlos Santa celebrates his 62nd birthday today. He's so "Smooth..."

Gary Busey turns 65 today, despite his best efforts.


THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW

TV pitchman Billy Mays was found dead Sunday morning. He was 50.

An apparent "secret library" of songs that Michael Jackson recorded for his children could be released now that he's gone.

Jackson's three kids are currently in the custody of his mom, Katherine.

A lawyer for the doctor who was with Michael Jackson when he died says the physician found the entertainer in his bed with a faint pulse.

Sarah Jessica Parker and husband Matthew Broderick took home their twin girls from an Ohio hospital where a surrogate mother gave birth to them last week.

Daniel Radcliffe says that dating girls his own age is "tiresome" and prefers ladies in their 20s.

Cosmopolitan magazine reports women are drawn to men with a fresh scent, like baby powder.

Whitney Houston's new album coming out September 1st will be titled, "I look to you."

Did you know that Rhode Island's official name is "the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations." The legislature is looking at chopping off the Plantations part.

Johnny Depp left a $4,000 tip at a Chicago restaurant, Gibsons Bar and Steakhouse, where and 15 people were celebrating a red carpet screening of his new movie "Public Enemies."

If you drink one 8-ounce glass of low-sodium vegetable juice every day, it could help you to lose about four pounds in 12 weeks, according to researchers from the University of California, Davis.

Drew Barrymore says she's been stalked... by two squirrels in the front yard of her L.A. home.


WEIRD NEWS

What Is It With Our Southern Politicians? - So what is it with our Southern politicians these days? First we have South Carolina governor Mark Sanford going AWOL for a week only to be caught having an affair with some Argentinean chick -- now we've got the former mayor of Clayton, Georgia, Mark Musselwhite, arrested for public nudity! Mayor Musselwhite was found by police sitting nude at his Rabun County campsite. He told police officers he had been swimming in a nearby creek. The Republican was elected to the Gainesville City Council in 2000, where he served for six years, including a stint as mayor. He lost a bid for a state Senate seat in 2006. Now apparently he spends his time camping and stripping! (The Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

World's Most Expensive Casket - When police in Dallas pulled over William Dale Crock for not wearing his seatbelt, they found a much bigger problem. There was a casket in the back of his van, but a search of the casket revealed no dead bodies, but nearly 100 pounds of pot instead! A drug-sniffing dog alerted officers to the casket in the van. And just think -- all this could have been avoided if he had just remembered to buckle up! (myway.com)

House Catches Fire Two Nights in a Row! - The house may be built in Lake Success, New York, but there's nothing successful about it. Authorities say the same house caught on fire two nights in a row. Both fires were deemed accidental and they appeared to be related to construction work. Fortunately no injuries were reported and while nobody was occupying the house at the time, the million dollar home had just been sold. One of the two fires caused extensive damage. (Newsday)

The Free Beer Ticket! - Kim Schroeder was running for vice president of the Milwaukee, Wisconsin Teachers Education Association, and promised a five-point program in her bid for the office. The first four points were all vows to make the union more aggressive toward the school board. But his fifth point, and perhaps his most important point, was "to make sure that there is beer and wine available for the monthly Leaders' Meetings." Alas, it didn't go over as well as you might of expected and Schroeder lost. (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)

Under The Sea! - Using GPS and state-of-the-art sonar, Columbia University researchers recently made the first comprehensive map of the wonders that are submerged in New York City's harbors. Inventory highlights include a 350-foot steamship (downed in 1920), a freight train (derailed in 1865), 1,600 bars of silver (unrecovered since 1903), a fleet of Good Humor ice cream trucks (which form a reef for aquatic life), and so many junked cars near the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges that divers use them as underwater navigation points. (New York Magazine)



TOP FIVE MOST OBVIOUS SIGNS YOUR KIDS ARE BORED

1. They actually confess: they're tired of video games!
2. There's a worn path between the house and the mailbox
3. They're franchising their Lemonade stand business
4. They've asked to paint the outside of the house....again!
5. They not only cleaned their rooms, they want to add on a sun room



HUNTER'S HUMOR by Tim Hunter

In South Carolina, there's still a first lady. It's just that now, we know about a second one.

Now, to make matters worse, the Governor of South Carolina is being charged with impersonating a Democrat!

As if economic times weren't hard enough, with the passing of Michael Jackson, the paparazzi announced they were laying off 74 sleaze-ball, scumbag photographers.

Michael's brother Jermaine is acting as family spokesperson during this tragedy, which is great news: he's finally got work!

(pause) Oh, I'm sorry. I was just looking at the man in the mirror....

Michael Jackson died last Friday in Los Angeles. Parts of his body ranged from 10 years to age 50.

Michael Jackson is dead. This, of course, contracting earlier reports from his aides that he was out on a hike.

I guess the thing I'm hoping the most that won't happen is that they put in Michael's obituary "He was preceded in death by Bubbles"


FUN THINGS TO DO AT THE DRIVE-THROUGH WINDOW

Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.


Drive through backwards.


Belch your order.


After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order- takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.


Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.


Walk through.


Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mike, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
Repeat everything the order-taker says.


Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.


Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please."


In a crowded drive-through line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.


When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.


Drive through with a carload of naked people.


Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.


Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.


Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mike at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mike to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.


One word: Flatulence.


Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.


If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking very seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order.



See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe."


Change a flat tire in the drive-through lane.


TO BE OR WANTED TO BE

I wanted to be an assassin so I gave it a shot.
I wanted to be a surgeon so I took a stab at it.
I had an itch to open a calamine lotion factory, but I knew I would have to start from scratch.
I wanted to be a podiatrist, but I got off on the wrong foot.
I wanted to be a urologist, but had to flush the idea.
I wanted to be a plumber, but it was only a pipe dream.
I wanted to be a missionary cobbler, I figured I could save soles.
I wanted to be a optometrist, but I didn't see eye to eye with the teacher.
I wanted to be a barber or Proctologist, so I flipped a coin to see if it would be heads or tails.
I wanted to be a food taster, but I bit off more than I could chew.
I wanted to be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.
I wanted to be a pilot, but it never took off.
I wanted to be a librarian, but I shelved the idea.
I wanted to be a butcher, but I backed into a meat grinder and got a little behind in my work.
I wanted to be a dentist, but I was always down in the mouth.
I wanted to be a tire salesman, but that went flat.
I wanted to be a musician, but it ended up on a bad note.
I wanted to be an accountant, but it just didn't add up.
I wanted to be a belly dancer, but I couldn't shake the feeling.
I wanted to be a computer programmer, but I couldn't hack it.
I wanted to be a prostitute, but I got laid off.
I wanted to work as a vacuum cleaner salesman, but the job really sucked.


AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR –

- Friday was a sad day in Hollywood. I guess you can say it. She's really with the Angels now. But enough about Michael Jackson...Farrah Fawcett died too you know!


- In North Carolina, there's a new state program that pays young girls a dollar-a-day to not get pregnant. Talk about not getting any bang for your buck.


On To ROCK NEWS –


'HEY JUDE' VOTED GREATEST PAUL McCARTNEY SONG…The Beatles' "Hey Jude" has been voted by fans' as their favorite Paul McCartney song. In honor of McCartney's 67th birthday last week (June 18th) Rolling Stone asked readers to post their favorite McCartney song from his entire career -- spanning his decade long runs in the Beatles, Wings and the nearly 30 years since he truly went "solo."

The Top 15 Paul McCartney songs as voted by Rolling Stone readers is:
1. "Hey Jude" -- 1968
2. "Penny Lane" -- 1967
3. "Maybe I'm Amazed" -- 1970
4. "Helter Skelter" -- 1968
5. "Oh! Darling" -- 1969
6. "Live And Let Die" -- 1973
7. "Eleanor Rigby" -- 1966
8. "I Will" -- 1968
9. "Jet" -- 1973
10. "Yesterday" -- 1965
11. "Let It Be" -- 1970
12. "Let Me Roll It" -- 1973
13. "Band On The Run" -- 1973
14. "Too Many People" -- 1971
15. "For No One" -- 1966

During The Beatles Anthology, McCartney explained that the inspiration for "Hey Jude" was none other than Julian Lennon: "I was driving out to John's house after John and Cynthia had got divorced and I was just going out to say hello to Cynthia and Julian. And I started coming up with these words. In my own mind I was kind of talking to Julian. 'Hey Jules don't take it bad, take a sad song and make it better.' You know it will be alright. So I kind of got the first of the idea on the way out there with this Hey Jules as I thought it was going to be called, It seemed a little bit of a mouthful so I changed it to Jude."

Paul McCartney tour dates (subject to change):
July 11 - Halifax, NS - Halifax Commons
July 17, 18, 21 - New York, NY - Citi Field
August 1 - Landover, MD - FedExField
August 5, 6 - Boston, MA - Fenway Park
August 15 - Atlanta, GA - Piedmont Park


AEROSMITH DRUMMER HOPES BOOK WILL HELP PEOPLE…Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer is doing more than playing music this summer -- he's also promoting a book. Kramer will publish his autobiography, Hit Hard: A Story Of Hitting Rock Bottom At The Top, on Tuesday (June 30th). The book chronicles his years of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as battles with depression, a dysfunctional relationship with his father and an antagonistic, ''co-dependent'' friendship with Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler.

Kramer tells us that he hopes readers will learn something from his experiences: ''Really my goal is for it to be entertaining but at the same time I think the primary goal that I have is to help people, and that's always been my premise is to help people and to be of service and be entertaining. So as long as I can continue doing what I'm doing I think that writing the book is just another step along the way of helping other people.''

Kramer wrote Hit Hard with William Patrick and Keith Garde. Aerosmith published a band biography, Walk This Way: The Autobiography Of Aerosmith, in 1997. But Kramer isn't the only group member with his own memoir; Steven Tyler is working on Does The Noise In My Head Bother You?, which has been moved from an October publication date to the summer of 2010


MICK JAGGER TOPS 'WORST ROCK ACTOR' LIST…Mick Jagger has been named Rock's worst actor in a list published by Britain's The Independent. Rounding off the Top Three worst rock star actors are Sting and Madonna.

The Top 10 Worst Rock Star Actors according to The Independent:
1. Mick Jagger
Key Movies: Performance, Ned Kelly, Fitzcarraldo, and Freejack.
2. Sting
Key Movies: Quadrophenia, Brimstone And Treacle, and Dune.
3. Madonna
Key Movies: Desperately Seeking Susan, Dick Tracy, Evita.
4. David Bowie
Key Movies: The Man Who Fell To Earth, Just A Gigolo, and Labyrinth.
5. Bob Dylan
Key Movies: Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid, Renaldo & Clara, Hearts Of Fire, and Masked And Anonymous.
6. Roger Daltrey
Key Movies: Tommy, Listomania, and McVicar.
7. Jon Bon Jovi
Key Movies: Moonlight And Valentino, The Leading Man, and U-571.
8. Ringo Starr
Key Movies: The Magic Christian, Son Of Dracula, and Caveman.
9. The Spice Girls
Key Movies: Spiceworld: The Movie.
10. Ozzy Osbourne
Key Movies: Trick Or Treat.


WOODSTOCK PRODUCER TO PUBLISH MEMOIR… Legendary Woodstock producer Michael Lang will publish his memoir in celebration of the festival's 40th anniversary on Tuesday (June 30th). The new book The Road To Woodstock, cowritten with Holly George-Warren, highlights the backstory and hard work in turning Woodstock into the global rock event for the ages.

The book features one-of-a-kind testimony from key performers at the three-day 1969 festival. Rolling Stone published several excerpts from the book, including those by Carlos Santana and Stu Cook from Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Santana recalled the day of his performance, saying, "One thing led to another. I wanted to take some mescaline. Just at the point that I was peaking, this guy came over and said, 'Look, if you don't go on right now, you guys are not going to play.' I went out there and I saw this ocean as far as I could see. An ocean of flesh and hair and teeth and hands. I just played. I prayed that the Lord would keep me in tune and in time."

He went on to say, "I had played loaded before, but not to that big of a crowd. Because it was like plugging into a whole bunch of hearts -- and all those people at the same time. But we managed. It was incredible. I'll never forget the way the music sounded, bouncing up against a field of bodies. For the band as a whole, it was great."

Stu Cook remembered CCR landing the unenviable spot of following the Grateful Dead: "You couldn't see anything. We had some technical problems. After the first song, we weren't sure there was anybody there. It was quiet. But some guy, way the hell out there, yelled, 'We're with you!' Okay, I guess that's who the concert's for. And on and on we played, and we had no idea what we were involved in. Later, it started to dawn on us just what had happened, and we thought we'd never ever see anything like that again."

Lang remembers that he at one point tried to talk Jimi Hendrix and his manager Michael Jeffries into playing earlier than planned, once it became clear that much of the audience was departing on Sunday night and Hendrix was clearly going to play to a much smaller crowd -- which turned out to only be about 30,000 by the time he finally went on: "When he came in -- I think they came in Sunday morning -- I asked them if they wanted to go on earlier. And Michael said 'No, we definitely want to close the show.' I said, 'Well, you know, closing the show might not be a good idea. It's running approximately twelve hours behind. (laughs) Chances are you're going to be closing in the morning.' And they sort of insisted on it. Unfortunately, most of the audience was gone by the time Jimi played, but he played an unbelievable set."


LATE BON SCOTT HANDWRITTEN LYRICS FETCH $35K…A pair of handwritten lyric notebooks from late AC/DC frontman Bon Scott were sold at auction for $35,000 on Monday (June 22nd) at Christie's in New York City. The books contain lyrics for 25 songs handwritten by Scott between 1974 and 1980, and include such AC/DC classics as "High Voltage," "It's A Long Way To The Top," "T.N.T." "The Jack" and "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap." A Sears bass guitar once owned by Nirvana's Kurt Cobain sold at the same auction for $43,750, while a black leather motorcycle jacket signed by members of Nirvana and Soundgarden fetched $12,500.


That’s it for now, as always, if you can’t be good, be good at it and don’t get caught!!

Jonathan